I Quit my Job - Farmer Mary Field Notes (Week 37)
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Labor Day has come and gone, and the kids are back to school this week. If you’d asked me a week ago whether I was ready for them to go back, my answer would have been an emphatic YES. We had reached the point in the summer where they were bored with everything and each other and I desperately needed five minutes of peace. If you asked me the same question after the bus pulled away on the first day back? Nope. It was quiet and lonely and I might’ve been considering homeschooling as an alternative. In all honesty, they had a really, really good first week, and I am so pleased that they are enthusiastic about their teachers and their classes and their friends. There is so much to look forward to for them this school year.
Back on the farm, the start of school means I’ve lost my helpers! I got awfully spoiled by having two extra sets of hands to move chicken tractors, fill haynets, haul water, and set fences. These kids have learned so much over the last few years, and the bigger they get, the more they are capable of doing. It’s fantastic.
I definitely have more than five minutes of peace in my days now, and it’s given me time to reflect as I move around the property doing my chores. I never expected to be a full-time farmer (rancher? Whatever this is?) and we often joke about how it has turned out to be a surprisingly good fit.
When we moved to the farm and started adding animals, we were both maintaining our full-time jobs and squeezing in the farm work in every spare minute. Eventually, it became overwhelming and we realized it could be nicer to have one of us manage the farm work while the other kept their day job. Unfortunately, the best qualified candidate for both of those categories was John. He owns a successful business and also has way more experience with farming, equipment operation and maintenance, animal husbandry, you name it. While I loved my regular job in higher education, it was not going to sustain us while we built a farm from scratch. And so I became a farmer!
I have had to learn every single aspect of my job from the very basics. I’d never ridden an atv, never used a manual pump on a fuel tank to put diesel in the tractor. Heck, I’d never driven a tractor, let alone swapped implements to be able to receive shipments from a semi truck using the forks on said green tractor. I had no idea how to decide how much pasture the animals needed, how to unroll hay for them, even how to open a feed bag the right way. This, as you might guess, can often make my days feel pretty daunting, and I have a LOT of time by myself to let those feelings of inadequacy and negative thoughts rattle around my head. I have quickly found that mindset, and the stories we tell ourselves, are incredibly important.
I’m telling you a story right now, one about how I got my job and why it works for me, but so far it’s sounding pretty negative–no skills, lots of work. I work by myself most of the time, just me and the animals and the sounds of insects chirping and birds twittering. With all of that quiet, it’s easy for me to get wrapped up in all the things that go wrong as I move from pasture to pasture: this fence is wonky, there’s a dead chick in the brooder pen, the horse isn’t getting ridden enough, I dropped the brush hog too quickly on the tractor, and I still need to get the laundry done once I get back in the house. If I let myself spiral, I end up a dejected, prickly mess by the end of the day. Luckily, Apple invented airpods and I can listen to podcasts while I poke along, and they often offer pearls of wisdom–one of my favorites, called Chasing Excellence, posits a mindset continuum that really clicked for me. I thought I’d share it with you today, because I guarantee it applies to more than just this attempted farm girl out in a field.
The podcast hosts, Ben Bergeron and Patrick Cummings, suggest that we exist somewhere on a spectrum between a victim mindset and a competitor mindset. In a victim mindset, bad things just happen to us; it’s someone else’s fault, circumstances are keeping us stuck, the obstacles are all external. On my tough days, I’m in this spot. “Why did I choose this? I’m not any good at this job and there is literally no way out; we built all this fence, we bought all these animals. I’m going to ruin us.” Hope that you don’t encounter me in one of these moods; I’m a raincloud.
As you move upward through the mindset continuum, there is the pessimist: “of course it rained on my birthday, that’s just my luck.” The pessimist is seeing the glass as half empty, but they’re not necessarily blaming everyone else. These folks can be tough to deal with, especially if you’re in the next spot on the continuum: the optimist. You’d think this is the best place to be, since the optimist is seeing the glass half full, but they are also potentially ignoring reality. I fall into this category a lot of the time: “Ok. I’m going to move the cows and the sheep, ride the horse, clean out the chicken coop, weed the entire garden, prep a fantastic dinner after I go to the grocery store, organize the pantry, and maybe I’ll even start on that quilt project before I pick the kids up from school”. Really, self? All that before 2:30pm? All of those are wonderful goals, but that pace isn’t super realistic, which just so happens to be the next stop on the mindset continuum.
The realist isn’t necessarily optimistic or pessimistic–they’re just seeing the world as it is, accepting their limitations, and taking the actions required to get things done. They’re flexible, but not easily swayed from their values or easily ruffled when things go sideways. This is my goal. On my best days, I set goals, tackle challenges, and take curveballs (like an escaped flock of turkeys) in stride. These are the days I feel most satisfied, even if I don’t check off every item on my list.
But wait, there’s more! Really, there’s one more step–the competitor. These folks take the realist to the next level; not only can they handle the challenges that present themselves, they look for the tough challenges that will make them better and stronger. I don’t know that I’m quite there yet, and that’s ok. One step at a time. Overall, though, I like the concept, and it’s easy to practice. The podcasters suggest looking for the things that trigger you–someone cuts you off in rush hour traffic, or the coffee shop gets your order wrong–how do you respond? Is it their fault? Did they ruin your entire day? Or do you just switch lanes on the road and enjoy the new latte? Practicing a mindset shift with the small things helps us to be ready when the really big challenges come along.
So, this week I challenge you: can you catch yourself falling into these mindsets? Can you step outside a spiraling thought pattern and find a better way? I’ll be doing the very same thing as I walk through the fields alone with my thoughts and figure out how to be a farmer.
- Need a pick-me-up this week? Here’s a slightly different recipe if you’re seeking five minutes’ peace of your own:
- Breathe: Box breathing shifts you out of fight-or-flight and back into a calm state. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold it for four, then breathe out for six to eight counts. Repeat for at least three or four rounds.
- Seek gratitude: Look for the little things. What is one small thing you can notice and appreciate around you? Is there a delightfully shaped cloud on the horizon? Did someone hold the door for you? Is your favorite sweater or hoodie fresh out of the dryer?
- Do good: Hold that door open for someone else, wish someone a good day and really mean it, make eye contact and thank the folks that ring up your purchases at the store.
I wish you a wonderful week, and I would love to hear about your mindset journey! Connect with me on our socials and tell me your favorite ways to find peaceful, happy moments in your day.